As a western culture we don’t value the idea of slowing down after giving birth. There’s pressure to get your body back, your old life back and yourself back, which is an impossible task because all of those things have been replaced with a new body, a new life and new person. When a new baby is born, new parents are born too. How much better off would new parents be if they were fully supported to ease into parenthood at their own pace and in their own way, rather than feel a pressure to look, act or feel a certain way.
Increasingly, parents are living away from their ‘village’ and don’t have immediate or extended family around the corner or nearby to come and help. And sometimes, even if they are nearby, they aren’t always the best people to be offering support. Then there’s the issue of parental leave. Here in the UK, the standard two weeks is barely anything and when their partner returns to work a new mum is left on her own to cope and care for this new baby and herself, by herself.
In the 1970s, anthropologist Dr. Dana Raphael coined the term ‘matrescence’ to describe the transition to motherhood. Similar to the transition to adolescence, women experience physical, hormonal and changes to identity when they become pregnant and cross the threshold into motherhood.
So how can new mothers and new parents to be prepared to navigate this time of immense change and reduce their chances of developing a postnatal mood disorder?
One of the key elements is a postnatal plan.
A research study into the causes of postnatal depression (Stern and Kruckman, 1983) found that cultures that had rituals and customs that were integral to the postnatal period had lower incidences of postnatal mood disorders.
Their research found that the cultures that were getting postnatal support right, all had protective social structures in place to support new parents. These included, a distinct postpartum period, protective measures reflecting the new mother’s vulnerability, social seclusion and mandated rest, functional assistance and social recognition of her new role and status.
It’s become standard to write birth plans but birth last such a short time
compared to the initial fourth trimester, and arguably the rest of your life as a
parent so why shouldn’t we be writing postnatal plans too?
When I first started working as a doula two and a half years ago, I wanted to create a postnatal planning template that took into account the findings of this research that I could share with the families I worked with to help them prepare for life after birth and support them in having a healthy and supported transition into parenthood.
I share this postnatal planning template as part of a postnatal planning session that I do with all the families that I support. For me, it’s an opportunity to spend time with together and get to know each other better. As the doula, it gives me the opportunity to learn everything from their hopes and concerns for the postnatal period, what they’d most like support with, what their favourite comfort food is and where they keep the tea. For the client, it gives them the opportunity to have an honest but encouraging conversation about what to expect postnatally and a chance to think and plan for what they’ll need in life after birth, before their baby arrives.
These conversations include discussions about things like household support and what might they need help with around the house and who can help?
I also encourage them to think about how they want to manage visitors and who they would like (or not like) to have around in the first few days/weeks and what boundaries they want to put in place? I often encourage them to think in concentric circles and who they feel most comfortable feeling emotionally and physically vulnerable around.
We talk about food and nutrition and how are they going to ensure that they’re eating nourishing foods and not end up living off biscuits and cold tea.
I encourage parents to consider emotional support and thinking ahead of time about who they can turn to when they need a shoulder to cry on or some encouragement. Who can they message to come over for a cuppa if they’re having a bad day and who can they text when they need a bit of encouragement. We also talk about mental health services in their area so they know what’s available and where to access support if they need it.
New parents need to look after themselves in order to be able to look after their baby so postnatal treatments and self-care are an important element of the postnatal plan. We talk about postnatal treatments they would like to have and gather contact details for people like massage therapists or osteopaths or supplies for things like sitz baths ahead of time.
If they are parenting with a partner, we talk about how the couple relationship and how to keep it strong. This could involve thinking ahead of time about what parental leave will look like and how they’ll parent together during that time and then what that will look when parental leave is over. We might also talk about communication strategies, love languages, potential challenges, and making time for each other.
No two families or babies experience the postnatal period in the same way and different people will have different pre-existing risk factors for postnatal depression. However, by helping families to have an idea of what to expect, they can begin to think about what support they might need and plan ahead to ensure they are well supported and looking after their mental health. Some things can be planned for, while others are unknown until their baby arrives but having a plan can help them to be more prepared for whatever their postnatal experience brings.
Click here to download your own copy of my postnatal planning template.
